'Before I die I need to see Amma, that's my only wish'

Every person has a story to tell, and when it comes to the yesteryear actress P S Seethalakshmi, it’s one of poverty and hopelessness. The veteran actor who had starred as mother or grandmother in over 100 films during the 1960s and 1970s is scrambling to make ends meet. The ailing 86-year-old had shared screen space with legends like M G Ramachandran, Chief Minister J Jayalalithaa and Sivaji Ganesan.

The walls of her home in Saligramam are covered with black-and-white photographs from her old films. Medicines and syrup bottles lie on the table, and trash is scattered everywhere. “TV channels regularly telecast the movies I had been a part of. I can barely recollect things these days, but I remember a few of my dialogues. Please don’t think I watch serials; I hate watching them,” she laughs.

“I looked fit and beautiful in Enga Veetu Pillai (1965), Aandavan Kattalai (1964), Anbu Karangal (1965), Petralthaan Pillaiya (1966) etc. But when I look at my reflection, I feel sorry for myself. It has been 7-8 years since I acted even in serials. I have blood pressure, high diabetes and can’t move on my own. I never thought that I’d become like this. It’s a curse to be busy once and now be home doing nothing,” she tears up.

Recalling her association with Jayalalithaa, she tells us, “We have worked together. Those were golden days. Amma knows me pretty well and she has immense love towards me. That time, I was residing parallel to her house near Poes Garden. Many times, she has served me food. I used to visit her place often. She’s Dhairiyalakshmi and I still remember how she walks in a brisk way like an angel! I like the way she is. She would be unfazed and cope with any given situation. I think we should learn that from her. Somehow, we lost touch. And I think it’s my misfortune. Before I die, I need to see Amma. That’s my only wish!” 

Seethalakshmi was one of the veteran artistes to receive the Kalaimamani Award in 2005. Before we could ask her about it, she starts speaking about MGR. “Aiya was such a perfectionist and disciplinarian. If we are supposed to be on the sets by 11 am, we better be there; else, he’d lock the door. So I’d be there 15 minutes early,” she recalls. “He was one of those rare people who enquired if you had eaten. There’s only one MGR. He never let anybody down. He helped people like a kodaivallal.” 

Seethalakshmi is unmarried and lives alone. Does she regret not marrying? “No,” she replies emphatically. “Everyone stays until you’re well off. Then, they disappear. My sister’s daughter Radhika Palani (choreographer) takes care of me,” she says.

Before concluding, she turns very emotional and breaks down. “You know, Manorama was like my elder sister. Her demise was an irreparable loss to the film world. Every one I was close to has passed away. I don’t know why I am still alive! I had 11 siblings and I was the one to support them financially. I took care of everybody when I was fit, but now I have nobody. I don’t have any relatives. I don’t have money. I literally have nothing. But after actor Vishal’s Pandavar Ani (Nadigar Sangam), came into power, I have been receiving Rs 1,500 and also I get a pension amount of Rs 1,000 every month. Actor Sivakumar has also helped me. But it’s not enough to meet my medical expenses.” 

(The piece was originally written for The New Indian Express)